Big news this month has Alister "we'll just be tuning for a few minutes" Parker requesting his own HOTEL ROOM during Bailter Space's recent video shoot. Seems Alister was convinced that he wouldn't be able to relax and perform properly without being put up in a swinging luxury pad. Remember what happened the last time Matador got him a room? The label hooked him up with the ultra hot HOTEL 17 and Alister claimed the bellman was hitting on him. "He said it was 'time for you to try homosexual erotic love'" whined the reptilian guitarist, but we suspect he was just trying to weasel out of paying his incidentals (and besides, maybe it was about time, expand your horizons, etc.)...

Talk about a meeting of the minds, our spies caught scene maven/human rights activist JIM FOURATT engaged in DEEP conversation with chanteuse/actress LYDIA ZAMM backstage at Pavement's NYC gig. What could these two great thinkers be cooking up? Perhaps a sequel to "Crack Kiss," with Mr. Sexbeat replacing the MIA Jean Louis Costes? We can't wait to find out...

You know that Spin must need circulation help when they resort to hiring Mark Ohe (aka Marko, aka Mr. Ohe, aka It's-5pm-He'll-Be-In-Soon) as a model...

More fashion news, GERARD COSLOY recently bumped into designer/nuclear physicist Daisy Cafritz who invited him to the opening of the new X-Girl Soho shop. The next day, GC called his realtor and made plans to move out of the neighborhood...and you know why they call it X-Girl? 'Cause the proprietors haven't been girls in 30 years...

Isn't dsylexic just another word for stupid?...

(international) CHAVEZ, not content with being the first band to play the Academy before they played Brownies, are now about to become the first band with a Buzz Clip before they got a booking agent. What's the fucking problem? Are Love Battery such a fucking gem?...

The entire backstage spread at Pavement's Academy show consisted of two jars of peanut butter and jelly (and it wasn't Skippy, either). Undaunted, CHRIS LOMBARDI took the entire crew out for post-show eats at ODEON, where he promptly got sick and threw up on DAVID LETTERMAN and JFK Jr., way to go!...Kurt/Yukki has been tossed out of Kustomized on account of becoming a dad. Didn't anyone ever teach this guy about birth control?...

Brownies "talent" buyer Mike "Don't Call Me Stupid" Stuto recently turned down the Strapping Fieldhands request to open a show for the (big vomiting sound) SWIRLIES. Hey, they're no Ditch Croaker, Mike, but who is?...

Don't know if anyone is keeping track, but the Knicks haven't won a game all year on nights when "Seether" is played over the Garden P.A. John Condon would be turning over in his grave...

Margaret Murray and Melanie Clarin are about to leave the SF SEALS, proving once again that BARBARA MANNING needs four people to make a quartet...

None of us are quite sure why TOM VERLAINE chose to spend an entire Saturday stalking GEORGIA HUBLEY, but what else has be been doing lately?...

Joe Goldring of WADE was recently overheard dumping on the OLE empire backstage at a Helium show in SF." Worst experience of my life," was how jolly Joe described the treatment of his old band, Toiling Midgets, at the hands of an unresponsive record label. Not as bad as sleeping with Jaqui Dustdevil, we'd think, but hey, no hard feelings. We've still got a couple of bands, and Joe still has his stupid fucking British accent...

And a very happy 14th birthday to TOM WINDISH!!!...

If mind-numbing cameos in Yo La Tengo and Juliana Hatfield videos weren't enough, 18 Wheeler's TOM SCHARPLING is now a frequent contributor to Peter Vescey's "Hoop Du Jour" column. Bring back Dick Young!...

Is Rosanna Arquette the center of the rock universe or what? First, she tries to recruit Pavement and the BUNNY BRAINS to host a late-night variety show (a la "Saturday Night with Howard Cosell"). Then she hits up JON SPENCER and LIZ PHAIR for a theme song for her retarded new sitcom. When are they gonna go for a gay version of "The Odd Couple?"...

Lookalikes: TOBIN SPROUT and SCTV's JOE FLAHERTY... BRIAN DUNTON and MICHAEL J. FOX....DANNY GOLDBERG and MICHAEL DOUGLAS... TOM JOHNSTON and JACKIE EARL HALEY.../ SEAN O'BRIEN and MATT from "Melrose Place"...

Our "friends" at ADA offered us Yankee tickets. Gee, thanks a lot, why don't you just throw in some passes to a Jack Logan concert while you're at it...

Best wishes to former Under Acme booker KAREN EDLITZ, who was recently fired. What a shame. It reminds me of something we used to say when a baseball manager got canned; "you can't fire 25 players." I think this statement is still very true today, you can't fire 25 players. Next time you see Karen, remind her of this and she'll probably feel much better...

Say what you want of the quality of the action on the old "Battlestar Gallactica," but the space-chicks on that show sure were foxy....

Three things you don't want to see: 1)Stu Spasm in front of you in line for the bathroom, 2) any film treatment sent to Lyle Hysen, 3) the new 18th Dye video...

'till next issue, this is Clyde Kane, reminding you to bet with your head, not over it. No, check that, you should bet with your hands, but don't put them over your head or everyone will think there's a robbery taking place.