THE ART OF PICKING

-- Excerpted from the forthcoming book, Playing With Fire: A Sociological Analysis of Human Interaction, by Dr. Lacy Hoffmeyer-Smith

Hey Good Lookin',
want to go see the Slave Apartments and then have sex with me?

Christina Zafiris demonstrates aggressive pick

Remember those girls in grade school that always had a boyfriend (whatever that means in grade school). I was never one of those girls, and it wasn't until much later that I figured out how they got what they wanted. They knew that it is your right to pick a mate. You see, most women are taught from an early age that men are supposed to chase, conquer and dominate; thus, men assume the responsibility of picking.

But it doesn't have to be this way. Anyone can and should pick. Why?

Picking can improve you life. Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty were lucky that the Prince picked them, but you cannot count on the odds. Picking increases the odds and saves time and hassle.

Picking rids one of idleness. If you stand around waiting for someone to pick you, you are inactive. At least if you are actively picking, you have a lot of searching and working to do between picks.

Picking exercises control. You are only with those whom you choose. If you are rejected, you don't want them anyway.

Picking softens rejection. One would think the opposite is true, but as one becomes an experienced picker, your picking ratio improves, leaving you with many acceptances to counteract your rejections. This leads to a more positive self image.

Picking increases decision-making skills and teaches assertive behavior. Everyone needs to be reminded that they are constantly weighing the positives against the negatives in any situation. Picking is forging your own destiny.

How about a hand of gin rummy?
Christina Zafiris demonstrates subtle pick

LEARN HOW TO PICK

  1. Observe a picker
  2. Decide your picking rules
  3. Decide your picking type
  4. Evaluate individuals with a clear mind
  5. Execute your picking with confidence
  6. Take the results in stride
  7. Always remain pro-active

A FEW GUIDELINES

Etiquette is very important; however, every individual should form his or her own set of rules. These rules must be decided before one starts picking. Otherwise, rules will be influenced by desperation, which can lead to big picking mistakes. A few guidelines:

  • Do not pick your friends, it is hard to maintain friendships after one is unpicked.

  • Do not pick out of your time-zone. It is way too expensive and has an 80% chance of failure. One plus, though, is you don't have to unpick, you can blame everything on the inconvenient distance.

  • Do not pick anyone you can't physically retreat from. This means individuals at work, in your apartment building, the sibling of your roommate, etc.

  • It is in bad taste to pick someone who has been picked by a friend or family member, i.e. your friend's ex-boyfriend; however, there is something to be said for food that has already been tasted and approved by one that you trust.

ACTUAL OR VALID PICKS

Freewheelin' Pick: when one picks on a whim of desire. Can be risky for inexperienced pickers but for pickers who know what they want, it can be very satisfying. Such pickers do not distract themselves with a long decision-making process.

Simultaneous Pick: when two individuals pick each other. This only counts if each individual is unaware of being picked at the time of making their choice. Such symbiosis is very difficult to achieve.

Intentional Pick: when the individual's choice is free of outside influences and internal trepidations. When the pick is asserted with no regard for perceived outcome: when you pick because you want to, not because someone told you to or because you think you are going to get something.

Positive Gain Pick: when one picks for monetary gain or social status. As long as said individual is not compromising other standards they are technically picking correctly (out of desire), but just for the wrong reasons. Madonna's "Material Girl" is an anthem for female "up-pickers."

PSEUDO PICKS

Anticipatory Pick: when the plan to act on a pick or the choosing process takes the place of the pick itself. The individual always thinks about picking, thinking that they are a picker when in reality they are only thinking of picking, which doesn't make them a picker at all.

Displaced Picking: when an individual thinks they are picking, but in reality their choice is influenced by the wishes of someone close to them.

Co-Dependent Picking: when two individuals in a relationship are constantly picking each other, not as a result of desire but from the fear of the unknown consequences of not-picking each other.

Convenience Picking: when the choice is influenced by an outside consideration, such as loneliness, future security or family wishes. This phenomena happens frequently with older people when availability becomes an issue.

Inebriated Pick: when an individual is influenced by drugs or alcohol and chooses one who would not normally be picked. In most cases this leads to immediate unpicking, and is quite common. The phrase "beer goggles" is slang for the Inebriated Pick.

PICKING DISORDERS

The Unrelenting Picker: one who picks and picks the same person, or type of person, with no regard for the negative outcome of said pick.

Annie Hall Syndrome: one who does not want to pick someone who would like to be picked by someone like them. These individuals tend to either unpick immediately after being picked back, or only pick those whom they can never have.

Insecure Picker: one who gets uncomfortable with the mere thought of picking. They never actually exert themselves to pick.

Obsessive Picker: a harmful mutation of the Unrelenting Picker. This person will chose another, and then methodically fumble the act of picking, scaring off the pickee. The most dangerous form of the obsessive picker is commonly referred to as a "stalker."

Haphazard Picker: one who lacks rules or standards and "shoots in the dark" to increase their picking ratio

Guaranteed Picker: one who, to avoid rejection, always waits for the other party to pick first. Most GPs tend to have low self-esteem and lack confidence in other facets of their lives. When a GP is unpicked, they can protect their fragile ego by saying, "It's not my fault, you started it!"