Splendor 2,000 ft. Below the Surface
The following manuscript, intended for the summer issue of
Mademoiselle, was accidentally sent to the Matador office.
(courtesy J.S. Gaer)
 It
was such a simple idea. Everyone was tired of heading to the
same resorts for our summer getaway - the Rivieria, Greek
islands - that I thought why not try virgin territory: the
cool mountains of West Virginia. And what better way to spend
time than with the locals, pursuing their favorite pastime,
mining for coal. After all, we needed a change of pace from
the grueling grind of modeling. When I first told the girls
my idea, they got so excited that they nearly tore the Ann
Sui dress from my body. (It was created specially for Sophia
Coppola's opening for her new leg- and lip-wax line, so it
is quite dear to me.) But all of their unbounded and uncaffeinated
joy made my heart happy.
Our agents were such dears; within a few days, the arrangements
were completed. Isaac created some wonderful overalls and
Ralph redesigned hard-hats to make them much livelier.
JUNE 1
The first few days have been quite a trial. Some of the
fresher faces are told they can't go down the shafts... something
about child labor laws. Despite our arguments and our best pouty
looks, the foreman wouldn't budge. With big weepy tears, we
bid adieu as they are sent to the mess to prepare our salads.
The foreman says we can't smoke below the surface. Some
of the girls worry they'll want more than 200 calories a day.
But when I explain that the coal dust coats lungs just as
well, and point out that the other miners are relativety thin,
they get over it. Plus our espresso boy, Pedro, is allowed
to accompany us down. Such bliss!
JUNE 5
The work is so much easier than modeling. We don't constantly
have to change or get our lips re-glossed. No tedious waiting
around for the lights to be moved. All we have to do is blast,
dig, and shovel. If it wasn't for the lack of six-figure salaries,
many of the girls say they could give up the catwalk and just
dig coal all year round.
JUNE 12
Disaster strikes when a team mishandles some dynamite
and a whole crew is buried. It's just like the 1993 Milan Fall
collection; so many careers cut short! Luckily, none of the
dead had been on the cover of Elle or Vogue, or
had been called a supermodel by Cosmo. The Ford Agency
quickly calls in replacements and production is a go.
JUNE 14
One of the drawbacks to our stay so far is that the area is
not used to having such cosmopolitan people in their midst.
The bars are very non-exclusive - there is not a velvet rope
to be found anywhere. Sudden misgivings, and fears that we have
lost our celebrity run rampant through the barracks. A number
of the girls talk that they might have to give up their endorsements
deals if they make themselves too acessible. After some quick
thinking by Claudia and Elle, the Ironman Ale House is bought
and turned into The Fashion Cafe - Appalachia. Some ropes, doormen
with lists, and a few DJs are flown in. The tension subsides.
JUNE 25
Due to exercising, some of us have put on weight. If
this keeps up, we won't be on the top rung past 25. Naomi, Kate,
and Shalom start calling each other "butch" and "Tuscadero."
And acne spreads like wildfire.
JUNE 29
Our pit goes on a strike protesting the lack of safety
precautions. In solidarity with our fellow workers, we refuse
to cross the picket line (many of us join in), so the company
starts to bring in replacements. These people are not from any
major agency, none of them have apartments in New York or Paris,
and they haven't even had a single major spread. When Christy
yelled "You'll never work with Todd Oldham!!" they didn't even
flinch. In other words, they're totally unqualified.
We won't let our co-workers down and call in Avedon to do
a shoot for Mirabella. There is no doubt that the outrage
within the fashion world will bring the bosses back to the
bargaining table.
JULY 7
Fhe Pinkerton thugs had been keeping us at bay for the past
couple weeks, but we've been blessed by a miracle! Cindy decided
to do a special "House of Style" about the strike. With
both Pearl Jam and Hootie backing us, the youth of America rise
up to demand fair hearings for our grievances.
JULY 29
Time is up. We're ready to go back to the work-a-day
world. We all shed tears as the last carload of coal is filled
and sent up top... but we'll be back next year.
Kisses to all.
|
