I have gotten out of two marketing meetings just this week using this line.

(link via Anthony Hype Machine)

The Ponys – "Double Vision" (mp3), from the forthcoming stereophonic CD/LP, 'Turn The Lights Out' (March 19, 2007)

The New York Times' Ben Sisaro on the latest attempt to supplant the Village Voice's venerable critics' poll — memo to Glenn Boothe, you've been ripped off, brother!

This week Idolator, a newish music blog owned by Gawker Media, seized on the outrage and disappointment felt by critics around the country who saw the recently fired Mr. Christgau (above) — and Chuck Eddy, the Voice music editor, who was dismissed in April — as a force of credibility and journalistic continuity, by announcing its own poll, Jackin’ Pop.

But based on an unscientific survey of far fewer rock critics than the 800 or so who usually contribute to Pazz & Jop — Mr. Matos said he was shooting for 1,200 — the presence of a rival is less likely to cause a rift among critics than a shrug, because of doubts about Idolator’s ability to match the quality and breadth of Mr. Christgau’s work and about the future of rock criticism itself.

I don't know if this qualifies as "a rift amongst critics", but the Idolators claimed yesterday that "an email is circulating among New Times staffers that not only talks up how great their poll is going to be this year, but also warns its staffers not to vote in our poll!"

Matador's annual round-up of staff and artist faves-of-they-year concluded will be running quite soonish, and I can make the following guarantees :

a) the diversity of the recordings chosen will make both the Pazz & Jop and Jackin' Pop polls look quite dull by comparison.
b) at least a third of the recordings selected will have actually been listened to more than once by the poll's participants
c) Not only are Matador staffers highly encouraged to vote in both the Pazz & Jop and Jackin' Pop polls if they are invited and/or eligible to do so, but the entire workforce is expected to turn up at the office this Saturday for a full day of online voting for the 2007 Plug Awards. 

Perhaps the most depressing thing about that New York Times article on the nu-breed of kid rockers was learning the most highly touted of the bunch just sound like a watered down Times New Viking. (video link from Skinny Robbie)

(Roger, Bob and Clint, pic swiped from Drowned In Sound)

1/12 – Double Door, Chicago, IL
1/13 – The Earl, Atlanta, GA
1/19 – Irving Plaza, NYC, NY
1/20 – Paradise Theatre, Boston, MA

tickets for the Boston show are available now. 

A sad sad day for us Brits….

Rest in peace Fluff

Since Nils was kind enough to post to the Matablog the last time Elton John went ka-boom in public, I figured we're obliged to keep up with the great man's public utterings on a semi-regular basis.  There's a chart battle of sorts taking place in the UK at the moment with titles from Oasis, U2 and Westlife, amongst others, all vying for the top spot. Elton's already picked his fave, 

"I am so glad Westlife are ahead of Oasis."

After what fucking Noel Gallagher  (above) said about me [not buying his own milk] I couldn't give a shit about Oasis. I go into fucking shops all the time myself.

"He's an absolute tosser and looks like Parker from Thunderbirds."

When and if Elton has anything else interesting to say, we'll do our best to pass it along. Thank you. 

To paraphrase Yogi Berra, when you come to a Pitchfork in the road, take 'em to the woodshed.

With the possible exception of Tony La Russa (Jane Wieldin?) there's no one I'd rather take cat care advice from than Jethro Tull's Ian Anderson (link taken from Panopticist)

Words, even the rude ones, fail me. 

He might be the brains behind one of the dullest bands on Planet Earth, but every now and then, Noel Gallagher knocks it out of the park, at least in the sound-bite sweepstakes.  From Wednesday's Mirror :

Noel Gallagher (above) was yesterday branded "ignorant" after he told British soldiers wounded in Iraq to stop moaning.

The Oasis songwriter, 39, said Tony Blair's decision to go to war was an "almighty cock-up".

But he blasted troops who claim compensation.

He said: "The troops want to go, all they want to do is fight. If you're bothered about getting shot don't join the Army."

Veterans representative Ray Bristow said Gallagher only had the freedom to comment thanks to the sacrifice of others.

Mr Bristow said: "I think he's an ignorant man, ignorant in the sense of not understanding."

Pte Lionel O'Connor, who lost his leg in Iraq, said: "If he has got a comment like that, send him out there."

Yeah, but….he doesn't want to go there. That's the whole point. Noel would prefer not to be shot, hence, his reluctance to join the Army and GET SHOT.

As for whether or not the deluded brave forces fighting in Iraq are protecting Gallagher's right to free expression, I'd throw the question back at anyone in the military.  Never mind whether or not the war was justified, whether or not we're making a bad situation worse and let's just avoid the question of Western biz interests being the biggest beneficiaries.  Let's presume that G.I. Schmoe is being asked to risk life and limb so Noel Gallagher can record crap like 'Heathen Chemistry'.

I submit that's too high a price to pay.

The man responsible for many of the Avengers, Dead Kennedys, VKTMS, Negative Trend, etc. shows at San Francisco's Mabuhay Gardens and On Broadway passed away on Sunday.  From the SF Chronicle's Joel Selvin.

Dirk Dirksen, the godfather of San Francisco punk rock and the often abrasive ringmaster of the North Beach punk emporium Mabuhay Gardens, died unexpectedly in his sleep Monday night. He was 69.Mr. Dirksen presented acts such as the Dead Kennedys, Devo, the Ramones, Flipper, the Mutants, the Nuns, Black Flag, the Go-Go's and literally thousands more in the 10 years he operated the Broadway nightclub, fondly known as the Fab Mab.Mr. Dirksen, who called himself "the pope of punk," was known for peppering audiences and performers alike with abuse and insults."I'm sorry to see you're that easily pleased," he told the crowd at the end of one band's performance. "You should try and show some intelligence and sophistication and not just accept any slop that's thrown in your trough."He turned to the musicians, who were trying to stalk off the stage, thinking he was not going to let the band have an encore.
"I'll give you one," he said, "but only because the next group is an absolute pimple in the armpit of progress. Now everybody, please pay attention because it's time to play 'People Are Stupid.' "

Among the highlights of the Mabuhay's annual calendar was always his birthday celebration, where each year he dreamed up a different mock torture for himself — flogging, beheading, etc. One year he had himself burned at the stake.

From the Associated Press:

LOS ANGELES (AP) — Robert Altman, the caustic and irreverent satirist behind "M-A-S-H," "Nashville" and "The Player" who made a career out of bucking Hollywood management and story conventions, died at a Los Angeles Hospital, his Sandcastle 5 Productions Company said Tuesday. He was 81.

Read the whole story HERE. 

Say what you will about the man's consistency, and any filmography that includes a Richard Gere gynaecology picture has some problems, but Altman was one of the most fearless directors in history.  I can think of few directors who were so willing to try new things, and fail.  And no one else got away with making such a long string of decently funded, uncompromisingly auteuristic films.  If people like Orson Welles had had Altman's gift for roping studios and stars to back his vision, well, the world might never have known a planet sized Transformer named Omicron.

"M.A.S.H," "Nashville," and "The Player" will inevitably dominate the public conversation, but for my money, his best were "Three Women," and "The Long Goodbye."

Salut, Robert Altman, you were great. 

(Roger Miller, as photographed by the Daily Californian's Peter Kim)

Mission Of Burma will return to the scene of some of their greatest artistic crimes triumphs on January 20, when they hit the boards of Commonwealth Avenue's Paradise Theatre.   Tickets are on sale now.

In addition, "Not A Photograph", the Mission of Burma documentary directed by Jeff Iwanicki and David Kleiler Jr., will be shown at Brookline, MA's Coolidge Corner Theatre on Tuesday, November 21 at 7PM.  The DVD version of "Not A Photograph" is being released by MVD the very same day, but only those attending the Coolidge Corner presentation will experience the joy of embarrassing Peter Prescott by asking him to sign a copy (plus the "Academy Fight Song" 7", old Volcano Suns set lists, etc.  If you've got something happening on eBay, this should be a great opportunity). 

(Chan at Bonaroo, pic taken from Myself Myself)

From the good people of NPR.org:

November 15, 2006 · Cat Power is the music of Chan Marshall, a Southern-born singer-songwriter with a soulful, heart-wrenching voice. In a decade-long career, her music has evolved from spare, angst-ridden rock to lush, warm soul, while always intimate and mesmerizing. Hear Cat Power live online in a full concert, webcast on NPR.org from Washington, D.C.'s 9:30 Club Monday, Nov. 20. Hear the entire show beginning at approximately 7 p.m. ET.

Check out the full details, and, more importantly, find the link to listen HERE. 

….but it probably helps. 

Y'know, Paste might be a bunch of Wes Anderson-loving, Yep Rock-smooching bunch of Christ Humpers, but when they're right, they're right. 

(old Philly flyer art by The Heads of State)

Cat Power played a very special show in Memphis earlier this week and our buddies at Loudersoft were there.  It's an exceptionally well written piece…thanks guys!

Read:  Loudersoft in Memphis.

Watch your back, Barry Hogan. Someone else has a wildly ambitious rock fest in the works.  From the Voice Of Korea (link swiped from Ken Freedman and WFMU's Beware Of The Blog)

If you are a band playing any kind of rock, including heavy metal, then you can participate 'ROCK FOR PEACE' in Pyong Yang, the capital city of North Korea. This is the very first time in history that North Korea allows western musicians in the heart of DPRK territory to play capitalist popular music. There are few restrictions and conditions on participation but any band will be considered even though you are from USA. The lyrics should not contain admirations on war, sex, violence, murder, drug, rape, non-governmental society, imperialism, colonialism, racism, anti-DPRK, and anti-socialism. The concert will be held from March 01 to March 04, 2007 under the management of Voice of Korea. We currently received requests of 35 bands from 19 countries and participations are increasing everyday. ROCK FOR PEACE will be the 2007 version of Woodstock rock festival in 1969 but in different location and in different goals, We welcome every musician as long as they are purely music based without political intentions. For inquiries, email to Jean-Baptiste Kim, the head of Voice of Korea.

Hey – can someone make sure Nils knows that I did go downstairs and check on that line of campers in front of Best Buy.   No one, I repeat, no one had ever heard of The Ponys. So we're still good to give Pitchfork the exclusive on that April in-store announcement.

(SM and the no-longer Jicked up John Moen, Irving Plaza, June '05, photo swiped from One Louder)

Stephen Malkmus & The Jicks, featuring the drumtastic talents of new addition Janet Weiss, have just announced the following live outings

January  2007

9-Tucson, AZ @ Plush
10-Tempe, AZ @ Marquee Theatre
11-Flagstaff, AZ @ Orpheum Theatre
17-Bellingham, WA @ The Nightlight

(more West Coast dates to be confirmed, shortly)

Promo people take note: you might say that you've been pimping our bands real hard, but have you sat on Hollywood Blvd with a cow to publicise our product? Well?   

"What no giant indoor sandbox or canopy bed to lay in for a year?" writes Bedazzled's Spike Priggen. And while I must admit, this would be quite the Xmas gift for the collector skum or skumette in your life, I'll concur with Spike. The idea isn't quite fully realized.  Unless and until further dolls in the series are introduced (Murray Wilson with-removeable-eye, Dr. Landy with a couch) I'm sticking with something conceptually solid. 

DISCLAIMER : My own expertise in the world of zippity-zappity ran outta steam shortly after the introductions of "Escape From Max Fish" and "John Madden's Colostomy Bag."  The former's depiction of Ann Marlowe was far too scary and realistic, while the latter provoked something approaching an epileptic fit….before I even opened the box.  That said, "The Top 10 Worst Games of All Time" by PC World's Emru Townsend includes at least one title I really wish I'd tried.  "Lee Carvallo's Putting Challenge", it ain't.

Super Columbine Massacre RPG (or SCMRPG), re-created Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold's 1999 massacre at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado, from the perspective of the two disturbed teenagers. Deriving the game's content largely from video footage of the events, the pair's diaries, and quotes from various media figures, creator Danny Ledonne strove for a certain level of verisimilitude–though the part of the game where Harris and Klebold find themselves embarking on further adventures in Hell after their suicides is, presumably, conjecture.

Whether Ledonne's site has any constructive value whatsoever is still up in the air. But as a game, Super Columbine Massacre RPG is appalling.

Already in a foul mood after having his teeth whitened (just read the whole article, I can't cut and paste everything), TV Go Home / Screen Wipe's Charlie Brooker flexes his knowledge-sharing muscles in today's Guardian.

Presenting an exciting first in interactive technology! The Ignopedia is the world's first* paper-and-ink encyclopaedia. Unlike Wikipedia, which is created by hundreds of users, the Ignopedia is written entirely by a single sub-par human with little or no awareness of the facts – building week by week, entry by entry, into a uniquely unreliable resource. *apart from all the other ones

Whee Whee Telly Windmill, 3pm, BBC1

Desperate 24-hour experimental broadcast aimed at brightening the national mood, consisting of face-on footage of a brightly coloured novelty paper windmill accompanied by captions urging the viewer to blow each time it starts revolving, thus enabling a depressed and alienated populace to momentarily amuse themselves by imagining this charming toy from an altogether more carefree age is spinning on their behalf.

Music by Lemon Jelly

Producer Limp Substitute

Subtitles … 888

Goblin
A goblin (pronounced "goblin", or, if you're a cartoon Frenchman, "goh-bleeene ") is a mythical green-skinned, pointy-eared creature that hangs around dungeons attacking people with swords. Appearing in the easier stages of computer games, they are rarely elevated to "end of level boss" status, which goes to that fire-breathing dragon which flashes red when you hit his weak spot, and, just when you think you've killed him, he sort of spins into the air and, if you don't jump at just the right moment, the shockwave takes half your health off and I've been stuck on it for five hours and I'm sick of it; I mean, I've already got one job I hate, I don't need another, especially one that pays in those stupid little virtual coins that bounce around when you split open one of the treasure chests, guarded by goblins, green-skinned pointy-eared creatures that DON'T EXIST, which is why I suggest you concern yourself with something worthwhile, like Iraq, or tooth-whitening, you trivial bastards. You sicken me

…but I'll settle for this:

AUSSIE SCIENTISTS INVENT AIR GUITAR T-SHIRT

A team of Australian scientists [That's an oxymoron if I saw one], presumably with too much time on their hands, have created the air guitar t-shirt, which turns air guitarists fake
strumming into real music. The shirt, developed by the Australian
Commonwealth Scientific And Industrial Research Organisation, has sensors
within the elbows that send information to a computer, which creates music
based on its wearer's air guitaring. Richard Helmer, one of the scientists
behind the t-shirt, told reporters the t-shirt was "an easy-to-use, virtual
instrument that allows real-time music making" and that it could be used by
"players without significant musical or computing skills".

Asked about the new invention, Metro quote Jeff Disaster of UK Air Guitar,
the people behind the previously reported Air Guitar Championships, as
saying: "I would love to get one but I don't think they would be allowed in
air guitar championships. The rule is there can be no guitars on the stage;
this is essentially a midi-guitar, so it violates the main rule of air
guitar".

It's the next step up from playing music from your mobile phone without headphones on all forms of public transport to the delight of everyone around you. What a great way to make friends and keep them.

On second thoughts, don't get me one. 

After a long and frankly depressing day, I arrived home at about 9 last night intending only to slip into a slow catatonia in front of the TV, but found my only real non-involving option was the new series of 'I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here!' – not sure if you have a variation of this in the US, basically a bunch of people who quite patently are not celebrities are sent to Australia to eat insects or something – which didn't really seem like an option at all, despite the presence of smiley cello-playing, astronomy enthusiast Myleene Klass (she seems nice).

So instead, I decided to watch the new Steven Seagal opus 'Black Dawn'. I don't know if you've been keeping as close a watch on Seagal's recent activities as I have, but post-'Executive Decision' his films have gone from straight-to-video to straight-to-cable TV in Estonia. And then eventually, DVD releases. How can straight-to-DVD feel cheaper than straight-to-video? I don't know, but it fucking does. Anyways, theres a few constants in the last 12-odd films that he's made:

• In the international world of espionage, nobody is what they seem. Apart from Seagal. He's ex-CIA, he has a daughter and he just wants to live his life normally in Japan where people think he's a native because of his quiet restraint and knowledge of local customs. But the FBI keep trying to FUCK WITH HIM.
• Seagal is mainly filmed from the waist up. The reasons for this are sadly obvious, particularly when you notice that he's holding his coat together in every scene. Just buy a bigger coat, Steve.
• Speaking of which, he's abandoned the totally ridiculous coats of his early films – the ones that are three times as big as him, and have a wealth of tassles. Theose coats had a really great kind of 'Fuck you, it's a Native American thing, I'm going to wear a big coat and that's that' kind of vibe. I miss them.
• Beacuse of the only-filming-above-the-waist rule, theres a whole lot of hand-to-hand combat, even when a kick would be more useful. Hand-to-hand combat is, of course, just slapping someone very quickly. Seagal uses a gun a lot more these days too, cause actually running after someone would tire him out very easily.
• The baddies are always international terrorists. Their cause is often unclear, but their aim is always the same: kidnap Seagal's daughter. Not sure why they think this is a good idea, to be honest.
• Mystical shit. It used to be that Seagal would sneak in some philosophical elements to his Waner Bros. era films, most notably in 'On Deadly Ground' where he breaks somebody's neck in a bar fight, and then asks the horrified onlookers 'What does it take to change the essence of a man's soul?'. I had a few sleepless nights with that one, let me tell you. But Seagal has abandoned philosophy like he abandoned his big coats. Now his films have all kinds of weird mystical shit in them. Case in point: In 'Belly Of The Beast', Seagal takes time out from a car chase to visit a woman in the back of a shop, who takes her clothes off to reveal a message in chinese lettering glowing on her breasts. Then they disappear. I am not making this up.
• Seagal's one-liners are nowadays the kind of thing your mate's alcoholic dad used to grunt. 'You're a real piece of shit' was a highlight in Black Dawn.
• He generally runs into a protege of his during his adventures. She will be 20 years younger than him, and they will have sex. Of course you won't actually see this, but there again, why would you want to?

So, the one I watched last night was 'Black Dawn' and almost all the ingredients were there, save for two essentials: no kidnapped daughter, and no mystical shit. The plot concerned Seagal….oh, I can't remember, there was some plutonium being stolen and I think the Russians were the bad guys. At one point their evil leader says 'Don't dilly-dally' which makes me suspect that the actor playing him may not actually be russian. Anyways, a redeeming feature was just how degradingly cheap the thing was. There's some incredibly bad blue-screen work here that has to be seen to be believed – mostly during a scene where Seagal and his protege are escaping in a truck, and it looks like the background is a photograph that's being waved about by some hapless runner. During the truck chase theres a point where its fairly noticable that Seagal's stunt double is a) wearing a wig, and b) black, which kinda ruins the gritty realism of the piece. The big finish concerns Seagal throwing a nuclear bomb into the sea from a CGI helicopter, and the whole thing looks like a demo for the Sega Megadrive.

Still, it's Seagal, and I can't stay mad at him. At the end of the film, his protege answers a phone call inviting her to be honored by the President of The USA for saving the world and that, and Seagal, knowing that his work is done, waddles off into the sunset. He'll be back, and God help me, so will I.

"I dont' know what I want but I want it NOW"

Let us celebrate the DVD release (in the UK) of Vivian Stanshall's comic masterpiece "Sir Henry At Rawlinson End" . Originally released in 1980 and not readily available on VHS for some years I had not had the opportunity to submerge myself in the dark, complex and surreal world created by Stanshall until now. Should you enjoy a vision of the underside of olde English life with drink sodden aristocrats careless shooting at each other and at the lower orders and other barmy yet joyous behaviour this is the movie for you.

I look forward to my alcohol befuddled family Christmas, shot gun in hand.

"If I had all the money I'd spent on drink – I'd spend it on drink"

I first caught wind of Plastic Little in a park as they made hipster kids and 4-year olds alike dance with a fun-time party jam style. Now, they seem to be catering to that base with this yearbook inspired ditty.  It's a jam, don't laugh….

Related:  Chris at GvBear Likes It And Has A Ghostface Clank-up