…at least there's always the Chuck E. Cheese on the corner of South First and Ben White. Video link swiped from Boing Boing.

…because as the above clip illustrates, we can't be too careful.

From the Sun's Thomas Whittaker :

Music chiefs were blasted last night for using computer wizardry to make new albums louder than ever. Bosses are artificially enhancing sound levels as they believe the noisier a record is, the more copies it will sell.But music lovers say some tracks are now so distorted they can make listeners feel nauseous. And Britain’s leading studio engineers have launched a campaign to make records range in levels to avoid one loud blur.

Geoff Emerick (above right, shown with George Martin), an engineer on the Beatles’ Sgt Pepper’s album, said: “A lot of what is released today is basically a scrunched up mess."

Though I sincerely doubt there is any concerted effort on the part of "music chiefs" to artificially boost noise levels, I must applaud any organized effort to categorize the Red Hot Chilli Peppers as "unlistenable". 

("uh oh.  My upwardly mobile, throughly mature lady friend is on the warpath due to my excesive vinyl consumption.  I'd better haul ass to Radio Hut.")

("hey, converting analog sound to low bit rate mp3's is easy and painless with the help of Radio Hut….even though it would take weeks, not hours to convert even a modest record collection, as shown in this bogus advertisement.")

("check it out, intolerant, easily frustrated would-be spouse!  A lifetime love affair with one of the coolest mediums invented has been reduced to a tiny black box…and speakers that sound like shit!")

Or to quote Britt Daniel, "Don't Buy The Realistic."   On the unveiling of Radio Shack's latest (sexist) commercial, I've got three words for the former Tandy company on behalf of record collector scum everywhere.  FUCK. OFF. NOW. 

I have gotten out of two marketing meetings just this week using this line.

(link via Anthony Hype Machine)

Hey – can someone make sure Nils knows that I did go downstairs and check on that line of campers in front of Best Buy.   No one, I repeat, no one had ever heard of The Ponys. So we're still good to give Pitchfork the exclusive on that April in-store announcement.

Already in a foul mood after having his teeth whitened (just read the whole article, I can't cut and paste everything), TV Go Home / Screen Wipe's Charlie Brooker flexes his knowledge-sharing muscles in today's Guardian.

Presenting an exciting first in interactive technology! The Ignopedia is the world's first* paper-and-ink encyclopaedia. Unlike Wikipedia, which is created by hundreds of users, the Ignopedia is written entirely by a single sub-par human with little or no awareness of the facts – building week by week, entry by entry, into a uniquely unreliable resource. *apart from all the other ones

Whee Whee Telly Windmill, 3pm, BBC1

Desperate 24-hour experimental broadcast aimed at brightening the national mood, consisting of face-on footage of a brightly coloured novelty paper windmill accompanied by captions urging the viewer to blow each time it starts revolving, thus enabling a depressed and alienated populace to momentarily amuse themselves by imagining this charming toy from an altogether more carefree age is spinning on their behalf.

Music by Lemon Jelly

Producer Limp Substitute

Subtitles … 888

Goblin
A goblin (pronounced "goblin", or, if you're a cartoon Frenchman, "goh-bleeene ") is a mythical green-skinned, pointy-eared creature that hangs around dungeons attacking people with swords. Appearing in the easier stages of computer games, they are rarely elevated to "end of level boss" status, which goes to that fire-breathing dragon which flashes red when you hit his weak spot, and, just when you think you've killed him, he sort of spins into the air and, if you don't jump at just the right moment, the shockwave takes half your health off and I've been stuck on it for five hours and I'm sick of it; I mean, I've already got one job I hate, I don't need another, especially one that pays in those stupid little virtual coins that bounce around when you split open one of the treasure chests, guarded by goblins, green-skinned pointy-eared creatures that DON'T EXIST, which is why I suggest you concern yourself with something worthwhile, like Iraq, or tooth-whitening, you trivial bastards. You sicken me

…but I'll settle for this:

AUSSIE SCIENTISTS INVENT AIR GUITAR T-SHIRT

A team of Australian scientists [That's an oxymoron if I saw one], presumably with too much time on their hands, have created the air guitar t-shirt, which turns air guitarists fake
strumming into real music. The shirt, developed by the Australian
Commonwealth Scientific And Industrial Research Organisation, has sensors
within the elbows that send information to a computer, which creates music
based on its wearer's air guitaring. Richard Helmer, one of the scientists
behind the t-shirt, told reporters the t-shirt was "an easy-to-use, virtual
instrument that allows real-time music making" and that it could be used by
"players without significant musical or computing skills".

Asked about the new invention, Metro quote Jeff Disaster of UK Air Guitar,
the people behind the previously reported Air Guitar Championships, as
saying: "I would love to get one but I don't think they would be allowed in
air guitar championships. The rule is there can be no guitars on the stage;
this is essentially a midi-guitar, so it violates the main rule of air
guitar".

It's the next step up from playing music from your mobile phone without headphones on all forms of public transport to the delight of everyone around you. What a great way to make friends and keep them.

On second thoughts, don't get me one. 

(he could really go for some bones right about now)

From FMQB (link taken from Vinyl Mine)

In the era of MySpace, having an easy-to-find page is key to a band's success. Baton Rouge-based indie rock band Bones lost their MySpace URL to the Fox TV series of the same name. Not so coincidentally, MySpace owners News Corp. also own the Fox network. However, after the story became public, the band was given their URL back by MySpace founder Tom Anderson.

If only all MySpace related disputes could end so happily.

(a photograph of a sperm sample would be highly inappropriate for a family blog such as this, so let's enjoy the wonders of Sea Monkeys, instead!)

From the Guardian's Ian "I'd Like To Collect A" Sample.

Men who use mobile phones for long periods at a time may be at risk of damaging their sperm, according to research by American scientists.Samples taken from men attending a fertility clinic revealed that their sperm declined steadily in number, quality and ability to swim as mobile phone usage increased. Where men used their mobiles for more than four hours a day, researchers found a 30% drop in sperm motility or movement and viability when compared with men who did not use a mobile phone.

Ashok Agarwal, who presented his findings at the American Society for Reproductive Medicine conference in New Orleans, stressed the study did not prove mobile phones were damaging male fertility, but urged scientists to investigate the possibility.

On behalf of the cellular phone industry, I'd like to challenge these finding. Not me, personally (I stood too close to a microwave oven while watching "Three's Company" as a youngster, and well, the rest is history), but there's a mountain of evidence that runs contrary to Dr. Argwai's claims.  For instance, Lee Atwater hasn't impregnated anyone in years.

I realize that many of you were skeptical when you opened the newspapers this morning. "MATADOR BUYS B&W CONSOLE TV FOR $16.95" screamed the headlines, and yes, I suppose this does seem weird. Won't the technology be obsolete in a few years?  Didn't we already make a similar error when we dropped $25.00 USD on a full range of Radio Shack Flavor Radios?

It's ok. Laugh all you want.  We truly believe the Philco has lots of potential, and no matter how many amazing advancements our friends in Sillicon Valley come up with, there's one fact they can't possibly deny : Scott Clark has never looked right in color.  

By way of a couple level-headed emails (and one not-so…the same guy who didn't like this), it's come to our attention that the QuickTime booklets that we gave our Season Pass holders and that came for free with your iTunes purchase of "I Am Not…." are not working.  After ten minutes of blaming ourselves incessantly and moping around guilt-ridden, we were relieved to discover that the problem is not our fault.  It seems like Apple – in a spat of anti-competitive, techno-poo-poo-ery – has disabled Flash support as a default in their latest release of QuickTime 7.  So try this:   1.  Open up QuickTime.  2. Go to "QuickTime" preferences.  3.  Under "Advanced", check "enable flash support".  4.  Open the booklet.  5. Revel in multi-media glory. 

Perhaps not, but Early Mike’s gonna serve it up, anyway.

Early Man have the following gigs planned for October :

October 13 – Neumos, Seattle, WA
October 15 – Hell’s Kitchen, Tacoma, WA (with 3 Inches Of Blood)

Yes, we know the bulletin board’s down. I received 2,428 automated emails about it between 7:34 PM and 12:19 AM Eastern tonight. One is generated every time someone tries to view a forum or post. If nothing else, it shows how popular our BB is.

We have notified our server admin and hope to be back up tomorrow morning. Nothing is likely to happen tonight (or this morning for those of you in time zones further east).