You might think we’re a pretty arrogant bunch at Matador Records and Filmworks. We used to be, at least until everything we knew about showbiz was piledriven into the pavement (GET IT?) by a group of young men from Minneapolis who I’m pretty sure will go down as the biggest thing to hit that town since Owl City Trip Shakespeare. We’ve already blown our 2012 signing budget on Ceremony and The Young, so it’ll be up to another enterprising label (Fat Possum, we’re looking right at you) to take full advantage of the musical equivalent of this friendly label throwing a big meatball right down the middle of the plate. You’re welcome!

“Please get in touch with me at the address above or contact my male secretary via electronic mail.” wrote Mr. Bickerton, though a few weeks later, he opted to send the following message rather than send a second package to my home address (thanks for that, by the way).

Dear Mr. Cosloy,

I take it the COZY promo materials I dispatched to you on the 19th of October have made their way into your hands by now. While you are doubtlessly in the process of drafting a contract worthy of a band with COZY’s limitless promise, I must urge you not to stand on ceremony any longer. Our offices here at Razzle Dazzle Ltd. have been flooded with requests from major record labels across the globe in recent weeks, including such heavy hitters as RAK, BELL, DECCA, CUBE, STATE, POLYDOR GERMANY, and RCA JAPAN. However, we would still like to give you first crack at releasing these recordings due to Matador’s reputation as a label on the cutting edge of trends in popular music. As I’m sure you are aware, the sky is truly the limit when marketing a band like COZY. Hit records are a matter of course with these boys, but the sales of merchandise aimed at their teenage fanbase (lunchboxes, dolls, posters, backpacks, trading cards, board games, chapter books. etc.) will open up a myriad of potential revenue streams for the record label lucky enough to sign them. This is to say nothing of the Cozy Variety Hour program that is being shopped around to networks at this very moment! It’s no exaggeration to say that COZY have the potential to be bigger than the Osmonds and the Defranco’s COMBINED!!!!!

Again, I implore you to act soon before this once in a lifetime opportunity slips away forever. Fortune favors the bold and dreams only come true if we have the courage to make them into reality. Let’s make some magic together.

Sincerely,

Edwin Bickerton
President, Razzle Dazzle Ltd.

Stephen Malkmus loves independent record stores. There I said it.

He loves them much so that rather than hit up Top Of The Rock, take a horse carriage ride around Central Park or walk over the Brooklyn Bridge, he’s planning to spend an entire evening in two of New York City’s finest independent record stores. SM will be playing two acoustic instores on Thursday August 25. You’re silly not to make one.

He’ll be at Brooklyn’s Academy at 6pm and Manhattan’s Other Music at 9pm. Both performances will be followed by a signing. And did I mention the exclusive poster you can ONLY get at these instores?

And if you can’t catch either of these ridiculously intimate instores, you can catch SM and the Jicks on their upcoming tour (the incredible Ty Segall supports where noted):

9/20 – Detroit, MI, Majestic Theater – tickets

9/21 – Toronto, ON, Phoenix Concert Theatre – tickets

9/22 – Ottowa, ON, Ritual – tickets

9/23 – Montreal, QC, Corona Theatre – tickets

9/24 – Boston, MA, Royale – tickets

9/26 – New York, NY, Terminal 5 – tickets

9/28 – Philadelphia, PA , Theatre of Living Arts – tickets

9/29 – Baltimore, MD, Ram’s Head Live – tickets

9/30 – Charlottesville, VA, Jefferson Theater – tickets

10/1 — Saxapahaw, NC, The Haw River Ballroom – tickets

10/2 – Atlanta, GA, Variety Playhouse – tickets

10/4 – Nashville, TN, Mercy Lounge – tickets

10/5 – Indianapolis, IN, Earth House – tickets

10/6 – Chicago, IL, Vic Theatre – tickets

10/7 – Milwaukee WI, Turner Hall – tickets

10/8 – Minneapolis, MN, Pantages Theatre – tickets

10/11- Seattle, WA, Neptune Theatre – tickets (with Ty Segall)

10/12 – Vancouver, BC, The Biltmore Cabaret – tickets (with Ty Segall)

10/13 – Portland, OR, Crystal Ballroom – tickets (with Ty Segall)

10/16 – San Francisco, CA, Treasure Island Music Festival – tickets

10/19 – Los Angeles, CA, The Music Box – tickets (with Ty Segall)

10/20 – Solana Beach, CA, Belly Up Tavern – tickets (with Ty Segall)

(some of those sickening Austin hipsters you’ve read so much about participate in a gang chorus of The Lewd’s “Kill Yourself”)

Persons lucky enough to attend Matador’s 21st birthday party in Vegas last November might recall the enterprising duo of Kaleb Asplund & Hanna Ford, masterminds behind Austin, TX’s Karaoke Underground. For two nights, this lovely couple helped entertain some of the city’s most inebriated individuals with the world’s only karaoke songbook in which the works of Mary Timony outnumber those of Steve Perry or Desmond Child. I’m no Desmond Child hater — heck, I even wake up in the middle of the night sometimes hoping Rouge are doing alright — but KU’s astonishing repertoire of punk/indie-era hits and non-hits is the sort of thing that had numerous persons that weekend saying, “why, oh why isn’t there something this amazing in our sickening backwater of a hometown?”

(granted, I’m taking some liberties with these quotes)

Anyhow, I’m sure you’re thrilled to learn that Kaleb is putting the Karaoke Underground gear in the back of a truck and will be hitting the following exciting nightspots very soon. Feel free to let him know that some of KU’s biggest fans are eagerly awaiting the day this total fucking classic makes the song list.

Wednesday, 1/26 @ Hexagon Bar, Minneapolis
Thursday, 1/27 @ Quenchers Saloon, Chicago
Friday, 1/28 @ Mickey’s Tavern, Madison
Saturday, 1/29 @ Cactus Club, Milwaukee

Some photos from the people who make it all happen here… click on the photos for full-size images.

This is the full Matador and Beggars staff (minus a casualty or two):

BACK ROW: Amy Morgan (just the hair), Julia Willinger, Jeremy Kirkland, Sonya Kolowrat, Michaella Solar-March, Hector Montes, Adam Carroll, Dan Gallo, Blake Thomas, Paul Redding, Gerard Cosloy, Jeremy P. Goldstein, Dave Martin, Stuart Davie, Claire Taylor, Chris Lombardi.

MIDDLE ROW: Lisa Gottheil, Gabe Spierer, Natalie Judge, Brigitte Green, Patrick Amory, Miwa Okumura, Rusty Clarke, Catherine Herrick

FRONT ROW: Mike Venutolo-Mantovani, Todd Netter, Matt Harmon, Nils Bernstein, Steve Glauber, Adam Bohl

And here are the Matador label people specifically:

RobbyMorris, Natalie Judge, Chris Lombardi (in background – Silver Fox), Nils Bernstein, Martin Mills, Patrick Amory, Gerard Cosloy, Stuart Davie.

(NOT SHOWN: Dean Bein)

All photos by the great Reuben Cox.

…we link to the comedic stylings of the Fuggedabuddies. Clearly, we’re in the middle of a recession or Bud Light would’ve managed to pair Mr. Benjamin with Jon Glaser.

I can’t stop thinking about the goose daube I made last spring, especially ’cause I have several calves’ legs left in the freezer. Since Jonah from Fucked Up asked me to scan the “recipe” so he could use it to impress some girl, I decided I should let all of you have the benefit of the scan as well. It’s not so much a recipe as a way of life, like most of Richard Olney’s food writing. This is from the volume ‘Poultry’ in the Time/Life ‘The Good Cook’ series. Click on the images for readable versions.

(they’ve got a long way to go before they’ll top this one)

From the Guardian’s Ben Dowell and Jason Dean : 

The prime minister, Gordon Brown has become involved in the snowballing row over the Andrew Sachs prank calls, condemning Russel Brand and Jonathan Ross’ broadcast on Radio 2 as “clearly inappropriate and unacceptable behaviour”.

Brown, speaking to journalists after meeting French president Nicolas Sarkozy in Paris, said it was for the BBC and media regulator Ofcom to decide what sanctions, if any, were appropriate following Brand and Ross’s lewd prank calls, pre-recorded and broadcast on Radio 2 on Saturday October 18.

“This is clearly inappropriate and unacceptable behaviour, as is now widely recognised,” he added. 

The prime minister’s intervention comes at the end of a day when the prank calls broadcast has escalated into a major political crisis for the BBC, with the Conservative leader, David Cameron, also wading in and the number of complaints about the incident to the corporation more than doubling in 24 hours to 10,400 by 5pm.

The BBC director of audio and music, Tim Davie said the pre-recorded messages left on Sachs’ answerphone on Thursday, October 15, in which Ross said Brand had “fucked” Sachs’ granddaughter, Georgina Baillie, and they joked that Sachs might kill himself as a result, should not have been broadcast.

Photo courtesy of Lucy Johnston.

Fucked Up triumphed as one of the most memorable sets from the Lock Up stage’s at Reading and Leeds this weekend, followed by a late night set at the Rivermead Centre with guest performances from Frank from Gallows and Alexisonfire. Fucked Up are hitting London again on Tuesday to finish off their August Olympic tour. Join us if you can…

Tuesday 26th August
The Sazerac (Formerly Clockwork)
96-98 Pentonville Rd,
London,
N1 9JB
£7 Adv. £8 Door.

And not that i’m one for spreading rumours, but there may be some late night surprises across town at about 1am the same night.

Let this serve as a cautionary tale for the entire Matador roster; vomiting on the audience will not be tolerated in Judge Judy’s court of (faux) law.

WFMU’s Vanilla Bean’s Elvis Phone Sex (mp3), lifted from Ken Freedman and WFMU’s Beware Of The Blog. Most assuredly not safe for work. ESPECIALLY if you work at Graceland. 

For those of you who think the Matador Bulletin Board doesn’t have anything to offer you, think again. The above image comes from the 2008 WTF Thread, which contains much more like it, and more besides.Registration is purposefully somewhat difficult, but the most determined can get past the hurdles. And you don’t need to register if you just want to read.

Here’s the second of five Earles & Jensen MP3s we’re posting each day this week at 12:30 Eastern, for the countdown to album release on April 22. It’s about one woman’s fascination with the blues and is entitled:

Barbara: A Realistic Portrait (mp3)

(Yesterday’s MP3, the first, can be found here).

Dude, you are so not getting buried in a Jewish cemetery.

Each day this week at midday Eastern we’ll be posting one MP3 of an Earles & Jensen call as we count down to release of Just Farr A Laugh: The Greatest Prank Phone Calls Ever on April 22.

The first one concerns the three-time Grammy award winner whose debut album is shown above:

Christopher Fucking Cross (mp3)

Confession : many years ago, we tried the exact same trick at the 21 Club.  It didn’t work.

(an actual Party Doctor. Don’t get him started about “Scrubs”)

The Party Doctor is apparently well known on the hospital circuit. At any rate, this young woman is remarkably receptive to his blandishments. The latest installment in pre-release MP3s from Earles & Jensen‘s upcoming (April 22) double CD of prank phone calls, ‘Just Farr A Laugh, Vol. 1 & 2′:

“The Party Doctor” MP3

The duo are seen here under the thumb of Jerry Lawler:

Thought the eagle-eye of Chris Lombardi notes Floyd’s tuesday evening residency at Colucci’s in Haledon, NJ (take that, Feelies), be advised the great man will be appearing November 25 at Uncle Vinnie’s in Point Pleasant for what is being billed as “AN ADULTS ONLY SHOW”.

No square inch of scenery left to chew, no square inch of Shatner’s ass to kiss, and no clips of the interview on YouTube yet, but one can enjoy Mike Patton exploring everything that happened in music between The Infectious Grooves and Linkin Park!

Though admittedly, I’m slightly transfixed by what appears to be a “Roseanne” rerun playing in the background.

I think it’s fair to say this gentlemen was more than up to the challenge.

If it was up to me (and it isn’t), we’d just send this guy the iPhone today. But perhaps this will serve as a kick-in-the-rear to other creative persons?

From the Associated Press :

PIGEON FORGE, Tenn. (Sept. 20) – Members of a Christian theater troupe are spreading the word that they're irate about Kathy Griffin's off-color speech in accepting a creative arts Emmy earlier this month.

"We at The Miracle Theater consider it an honor to stand for Jesus today," the ad said. "We may never win a national award. We may never be household names. We may never be seen in Hollywood. Although others may choose to use their national platform to slander our God, we are honored as professional entertainers to stand for Christ."

Not only were Ms. Griffin's remarks highly offensive, but I'm pretty sure they were word for word lifted from Stephen Malkmus' acceptance speech at the 2007 Plug Awards.

Through the auspices of Blabbermouth.net, the drum cam footage of Sepultura's Jean Dolabella (above) , while fascinating on a number of levels, pales in comparison to the Aquarius Records-touted clip below :

This sign appeared on the outside of the handicapped bathroom door in our building. (The extra additions came later.) It's been up for a few weeks now and building management have mysteriously not removed it.

Though this isn't Matador Records & Filmworks related in the slighest, I submit you'll see few videos this year (or any other) as jarringly beard-tastic as Zach Galifianakas and Will Oldham's star turn for Kanye West's "Can't Tell Me Nothing". 

Though "embarrassment" is a relative concept, this was probably a very good decision on Brian May's part.

The Only Elton That Matters? (link swiped from Boing Boing)